​It is my experience that few things rival the damage of verbal and emotional abuse. It acts like a wrecking ball demolishing identity, blowing out confidence and shattering self-worth. The ones fortunate enough to escape are left in ruins, wondering if the pieces will ever fit back together. 
 
Toxic programming cages the mind with false belief systems. As a result, survivors are often plagued by anxiety, never knowing when calm will be stolen. Shame and false guilt blockade life giving relationships. And possibly, worst of all, dreams are discarded along with the God given potential inside. In order to be set free it requires total transformation!
 
The apostle Paul teaches in 2 Corinthians 1:3 & 4, that we comfort others with the same comfort God has given us. Raised in a home where verbal battery ran amuck followed by over ten years in an emotionally abusive marriage, I know the devastation and have lived inside the cage. But more so, I know the freedom of transformation.
 
I am a living example of God’s word renewing the mind. I have gone from fearful to fearless, hopeless to hopeful and unloved to much loved! That, my friend is only the tip of the ice-burg! I have learned to dream again and watched in wonder as God brings fulfillment!
 
Dare to dream! Dare to imagine living the life Christ Jesus promised in John 10:10. He said, “A thief has only one thing in mind – he wants to steal, slaughter, and destroy. But I have come to give you everything in abundance, more than you expect – life in its fullness until you overflow!” Are you ready to live? Really live, till it’s splashing all around you with the overflow?
 
I am here to declare, not only is it possible, it’s a God given guarantee! The word of God is a miraculous, living thing with the power of metamorphosis! It is here for you today!
 
This devotional serves as a catalyst! Working through each page you will learn to hear the voice of your Creator. As you listen to His voice, a whole new world will open as the revelation of your true identity comes into view! You are an adored child of God, crowned with authority. You have purpose! You are important! You are a royal citizen of the Kingdom of God!
 
Confidence will multiply as you learn God has fully equipped you for every task! You will begin to understand God’s plan for boundaries, discernment, even managing panic attacks!
 
Most exciting of all, you will believe God loves your dreams! You will see that He placed them in your heart for “such a time as this”.
 
It all begins with renewing the mind! Why live one more day caged in the toxic aftermath of verbal and emotional abuse? Transformation provides wings to freedom. It’s time to fly!

“I’ve got you, and I’m not letting go!”

These are the words I kept saying to my husband as he lay on the pavement, after flying 25 feet through the air and landing hard on the ground.

We were out on a late afternoon ride through the North Georgia mountains when a young driver made a bad left turn. With no time to get out of the way, Jade hit the truck broadside with his dual sport and went flying. I witnessed the horror from my Scout as I traveled behind him.

When I got to Jade he was badly broken everywhere, trying to keep his breath, in 10 over 10 pain, and terrified! I could barely think. Kneeling beside him, I just kept saying over and over, “I got you Baby, I got you, and I’m not letting go! I’m not letting go!” A year and a half later it keeps coming back to me.

(FYI, Jade is much better, he’s got a little limp and struggles with some aches from time to time, but it’s nothing short of miraculous how strong he is after such a horrible accident!)

I remember thinking that day, “DONNA, now more than ever you NEED to pray!!!!” But all I could do is repeat this same phrase over and over and over. “I got you, I got you Baby and I’m not letting go!”

It's bothered me a lot, "why God? Why couldn't I pray?" I believe He has answered me and I am in awe. Romans 8:26 teaches, "In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words."

The Holy Spirit took over, praying for us both, "I got you. I got you Baby and I'm not letting go!" In that moment, when all I felt was anger at the kid, terror at the thought of losing my husband, GOD, in His extravagant love stepped in, wrapped His almighty arms around us and NEVER let go. 
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BLOOD ON OUR CLOTHES

Tears streaming down my face, I have another revelation: Galatians 6:1 & 2 in a paraphrase, “...if one of our faithful has fallen … carry each other’s burdens …” .

The following day, after a sleepless night in ICU my husband went into the first of four surgeries. I had some time to process the events and take inventory. Sitting on a couch in the Ronald MacDonald room, I looked down at my jeans. As reality smacked me in the face, I took a picture with my phone. I think I just wanted to see it from a different angle. It seemed very significant. Jades blood was splattered around the knee. I had knelt so close to his broken body, it got all over me. 

When we get close to the wounded, we're going to get blood on our clothes.

"I got you Baby, and I'm not letting go!"

We are called to hold the weak; to "bear each others burdens." Sometimes the people God sends are a bloody, broken mess. Getting close means our favorite jeans get stained. It's not pretty, but, it is beautiful. Beautiful in the grace Christ pours out. The strength He supplies. And, the healing He delivers. Jesus held us, I will hold them.

“I got you, I got you Baby, and I’m not letting go!”

The last few years have been tough ones, and my educated guess is, I am not alone. Maybe you can relate to this: By the end of 2018 all my dreams we're wrapped in grave clothes and placed securely in a tomb. I had lost all hope. I was at a crossroads, do I continue in faith or cast it all aside: Give up completely?

I have been a follower of Jesus Christ since I was 3 years old. I've had my ups and downs over the past 50 years, and some of those were extreme low points, but I have never experienced the low I reached on October 3, 2018. In all those years, the lowest I ever reached was a place of turning my back to God, like a stubborn 2 year old, but never had I seriously considered completely walking away and calling it all quits. This is where I found myself on that day, "Do I keep going or walk away for good?"

Between the years of 2015-2018 I had experienced severe losses and traumas, each one landing precision blows to my dreams and the core of my being. I thought I had experienced loss before, but, this, this was different and like the proverbial camels back, I finally broke in two. I had a very serious decision to make, and time was up, the answer was being demanded of me: Do I continue?

HE REMAINS FAITHFUL
God's Word never fails:  He promises in 2 Timothy 2:13 "If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself." I was at the point of giving up, but He was not, is not, never will be.

I made the choice, and I am thoroughly convinced, it was His divine Faith working in me, to continue; I did not walk away, I just started over.

I decided to go back to the beginning, like a new born, alive in Christ for the very first time. I bought a new Bible, a new journal and even new pens, and there I began my journey with Christ once again. 

Here's a picture of my first entry:
​

IT'S A NEW DAY
Perhaps you find yourself in the same position, the same cross roads, asking, do I continue? My sweet friend, God will NEVER, has never, nor will He ever, give up on you!

Today, is an opportunity to start over, begin anew, leave the old disappointments, trauma's and drama's behind and move forward. Like Dory in Finding Nemo, "Just keep swimming" and KNOW you're not alone!

God has marvelous dreams for your future! Death is not the end, it's a beginning! What do I mean by that? Sorrow brings us to a point of death. We quite literally, feel as though we have died. The point of our death is the beginning point of Christ: The resurrection and the life! He raises the dead to life!

Think about it! 

GOOD THINGS ARE ON THE WAY ~ "He fills my life with good things, so that I stay young and strong like an eagle" Psalms 103:5
 Your life is destined for GOOD things in Christ Jesus. He has plans to prosper you, to fulfill you, to reshape you into HIS glorious likeness. He loves you with a love that has no end and desires to grant you the desires of your heart.

I know, it may feel painful to even think about hoping again, you have endured much and feel like a demolition project with a crumbling foundation. But, God is the master renovator. He brings beauty from the ash pit and the dead to life.

God has eternal and immutable promises on your behalf: to heal and restore everything you have lost with interest. Today, is your day, to begin anew!

You know I keep coming back to this,
Bread in the desert place,
Water into wine,
Feet walk across a stormy sea,
All this and more show You're in control,
But, 
Today I feel hidden from your eyes,
You know I keep coming back to this,
Trumpet blast drops a city wall,
Giant's fall to a child's sling,
Where is the God of David?
All this and more show You're in control
But, 
Today I feel hidden from your eyes,
You know I keep coming back to this,
I just keep coming back to this,
Three nails and a bloody crown,
Stones fall on the ground,
Woman, where are your accusers,
I just keep coming back to this,
You know, I keep coming back to this.